Healing – Libra Kaplan | where's your heart at?

Essay: The Neurobiology of Sound in Attention Deficit Disorder

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.; DSM-5), attention deficit disorder (ADD) has lengthy criteria for diagnosis. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (2020) provides this shortened form definition from the DSM-5: “A persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development” (para. 7). Persons with ADD have unique neurobiology which has been linked to reduced dopamine and norepinephrine activity (Kolb et al., 2019). It has also been shown that attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) brains have less volume in the frontal cortex, cerebellum, and subcortical structures as well as similar symptoms to those of persons with damage to these areas, such as inhibition and executive functioning (Herbert & Esparham, 2017). Medication is effective for many, but it is not for everyone. Even for those whom medication has proven useful, it does not control all symptoms, nor is it a cure. Psychiatrist William Dodson (2021) states, “Stimulant medications are very good at keeping the ADHD brain from getting distracted once they are engaged, but they do not help you get engaged in the first place” (para. 17). There exists a need for adjunct therapeutic options. The goal of this paper is to present a case for using sound as a therapeutic tool, in the absence of or in addition to medication, and for improving cognitive function in the ADD mind, with the ultimate goal of moving towards a state of coherence.

The Neurobiology of ADD and Sound Perception

Brain Activity

Throughout this paper, the words “mind” and “brain” are used interchangeably. In addition, the acronyms ADD and ADHD will be used interchangeably in a narrative tone, when referring to attention deficit disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder; when paraphrasing or quoting from published works, I will use the author’s term.

Childhood trauma expert, Dr. Gabor Maté (n.d.), characterizes attention deficit disorder by “the dis-order it creates in one’s life” (para. 27, 28), as well as by the persistent patterns of inattention, and/or hyperactivity, impulsivity, distractibility, tuning-out, and disorganization, such that it interferes with functioning or development. There are several regions of the brain involved in manifesting these patterns of disorder (Silver, 2021). And it may come as no surprise that they are all connected.

The prefrontal cortex, also called the frontal lobe, is the most recently evolved region of the brain and governs executive functions like decision making, organization, and planning for the future. The limbic system, or limbic circuit, which includes the hippocampus, amygdala, and cingulate cortex, interacts directly with the hypothalamus; this circuit regulates emotional and motivated behaviors. The basal ganglia also plays a role; a subcortical collection of forebrain nuclei that are involved in controlling motor behavior (Kolb et al., 2019). And lastly is the reticular formation, a network of neurons in the brain stem which may play an important role in the circuitry of arousal (Maté 1999).

This issue of arousal is an important one since the ADD brain is often characterized by a feature of arousal and emotional dysregulation (Bellato et al., 2020). Regulation refers to the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which balances internal functions and the two sub-branches of the ANS, the Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS) and the Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS), which balance states of arousal and calm, respectively, by the vagus nerve pathway. Dysregulation then, is when these excitatory and inhibitory states are out of balance, as in hyper and hypo-arousal, which is what occurs in the ADD brain (Kolb et al., 2019).

Two neurotransmitters, norepinephrine, and dopamine have been found to play a role in the ADD brain (Herbert & Esparham, 2017); specifically, their reduced availability. Higher amounts of the dopamine transporter protein have been noted, which causes faster reuptake of dopamine back into the presynaptic neurons. Faster reuptake translates to reduced availability in the synaptic cleft, which is where a transmitter needs to be for neural utilization. Stimulant medications are thought to work by either blocking reuptake and allowing it to “hang out” longer in the synapse, and/or by reversing the transporter production thereby increasing the release of existing dopamine. (Kolb et al. 2019).

The Importance of Environment

ADD has been correlated to many factors including genetic predisposition, environment, brain structure, neural pathways, neurotransmitters, in-utero influences, as well as psycho-social adversity in childhood (Herbert & Esparham, 2017).

In Maté’s book Scattered (1999), he addresses the nurture vs. nature argument, asserting that, “Genetic inheritance by itself cannot account for the presence of ADD features in people, but heredity can make it far more likely that these features will emerge in a given individual, depending on circumstances” (p. 59). These circumstances are early stressors that can show up in childhood, and they are what Maté believes makes ADD a developmental disorder rather than an inherited condition. There is another aspect that he highlights, a quality of the ADD brain that is not often mentioned: hypersensitivity (1999). “It is sensitivity, not a disorder, that is transmitted through heredity” (p. 59).

The dysregulation of the ANS and the inborn hypersensitivity to environment, underscore the importance of establishing a tailored management plan, with habits and routines that facilitate engagement (Dodson, 2020). Habits like consistent sleep-wake times, healthy meals, and physical exercise are the core foundation of such routines.

Behavioral therapies and pharmaceutical treatments have been shown to be quite effective at alleviating ADHD symptoms, especially when used together (Herbert & Esparham, 2017). Yet, medication is not a cure. Dr. Dodson of ADDitudeMag.com says, “Stimulant medications are very good at keeping the ADHD brain from getting distracted once they are engaged, but they do not help you get engaged in the first place” (2021, para. 17). Additionally, many standard treatments for ADD do not work or have unwanted side effects (Huang & Charyton, 2008). There is clearly a need for adjunct therapies and this is where sound therapy comes in.

Sound As Therapy

Brainwaves

The brain’s electrical activity can be measured and recorded by an electroencephalogram (EEG). The EEG records this activity as waves, which can be matched to specific brain regions (Kolb et al., 2019), and each wave that the brain produces has an associated hertz (Hz), which is the repetition per second, a.k.a. frequency, as well as an amplitude (wave height).

Modulating these brainwaves is the basis for sound therapy. The brainwaves we look at are gamma, beta, alpha, theta, delta; hertz ranges noted below are approximated.

Gamma waves are the fastest oscillating of the brainwaves, 30 Hz and higher. Gamma is associated with profound insight and peak states of awareness (Source Vibrations, 2019).

Beta is a fast-wave pattern, associated with waking, thinking, and a general focused state, in the 13 to 30 Hz range. (Huang & Charyton, 2008). Excess beta can result in chronic stress, anxiety, and decreased cognitive performance (Source Vibrations, 2018). Many studies reference the ADD brain having high theta/low beta ratios in the frontal and midline areas (Herbert & Esparham, 2017). This could correlate to the inability to focus, common to the ADD brain. However, other studies show a null correlation with theta/beta ratios in ADD; while EEG recordings can be a useful guide, they have not yet been proven as a universal tool for ADHD diagnosis (Herbert & Esparham, 2017).

The Alpha rhythm is a large, consistent wave in the 7 to 11 Hz frequency range. It is associated with calm, relaxed attentiveness and creative receptivity. Excess alpha can result in feeling scattered, overwhelmed, or lethargic (Source Vibrations, 2018).

Theta waves are at 4 to 7 Hz, associated with liminal states, trance states, dreaming, visions, and insight. Excess Theta waves may be connected to cognitive issues like ADHD and other psychological disorders; reduced theta may be related to sleep disorders (Source Vibrations, 2018).

Delta waves are .05 to 4 Hz and slow with large amplitude. These waves are produced by deep, dreamless sleep, or deep meditation, yogic sleep, and unconsciousness (Source Vibrations, 2018).

In the scope of this paper, sound therapy can be defined as aural tones, rhythms, beats, acoustic harmonies, and/or vibrations, which aim to alter or change a brainwave state through external frequency stimulation, with the intention of moving the listener’s state towards one of synchrony (coherence) and away from stress and disorder (incoherence). There are different sound therapy modalities, and even Kundalini yoga, which uses rhythmic breathing, could be considered sound therapy under the definition provided. This paper will review shamanic drumming, binaural beats, solfeggio frequencies, singing bowls, the didgeridoo, and gonging, and then discuss the concept of brainwave entrainment, which all of the aforementioned modalities employ to achieve their results.

Modern sounds/ Ancestral roots

Types of sound therapy

Shamanic drumming is a fast-paced rhythm at 4 to 7 Hz (beats per second), and a similar frequency to that of theta waves. (Theta states are associated with trance, dreaming, visions, and insight.) The ancestral roots of sound began with the drum. Ritual drumming exists in almost every culture across the globe. It is used in shamanic journeying, tribal storytelling, celebrations of life, honoring the dead. It is both transportive and primal, familiar and sacred. The heartbeat is the first sound we hear when in utero. It seems hardly a coincidence that the drum which sounds like our mother’s heartbeat has remained a sacred tool for connecting to our ancient roots (Tarnacki, 2019).

Binaural beats are a perceptual phenomenon, which happens when two slightly different frequencies are presented separately in each ear, and the brain bridges the gap by creating a single illusionary tone, that is equal to the mean frequency of the two tones together (Garcia-Argibay et al., 2019). Popular binaural beat tracks tend to use one or more frequencies, layered with relaxing music, and sometimes include what is called a carrier frequency. The Garcia-Argibay et al. study (2019) had positive outcomes for the potential benefits of using binaural beats, however, they suggest the possibility of carrier frequency playing a crucial role in binaural beat effectiveness, which might help explain why other recent studies have presented inconsistent data the efficacy of binaural beats.

In 2008, Huang & Charyton published a comprehensive review that examined twenty peer-reviewed studies for psychological outcomes within a group of criteria and discovered relevant patterns, most notably an improvement of outcome when a combination of gamma/beta waves was used. And Garcia-Argibay et al. (2019) found that the magnitude of the experienced benefits was correlated with several factors, such as binaural frequency and duration of exposure, and that better results occurred when participants primed their brain by listening before, as well as before and during the task, vs. only during the task.

Source Vibrations (2018) produces sound therapy music and brain “state training”, using “neuro-acoustic” beats and layered frequencies for brain entrainment and cite a cumulative effect of use. The more you use it, the easier it is for your brain to “drop-in” to the desired frequency. They claim that delta states are easiest to achieve first thing in the morning, or the last thing at night; theta is easiest first thing in the morning, especially if one is practicing any kind of self-hypnosis or trance; alpha sessions are easy to do any time of the day, as they facilitate calm, centered focus

Binaural beats work by hearing two separate tones in each ear, so headphones are necessary for the best neuro-aerobic workout.

Solfeggio frequencies are often found layered into binaural beats music, commonly at 528 Hz and/or 432 Hz tuning. However, solfeggio frequencies are controversial in origin and there are few if any studies on solfeggio frequency efficacy. Believers claim this “ancient tuning” to be aligned with Pythagorean geometry (Attuned Vibrations, 2019).

Singing bowls were found to show favorable improvements in tension levels, anxiety, as well as increasing a sense of spiritual well-being (Goldsby et al., 2017).

The didgeridoo, an Australian wind instrument, produces a deep, vibratory resonance, and has been found to relieve tension and increase relaxation (Hartley Phillips et al., 2019). The didgeridoo and the hanging gong are sound therapies that are ideally experienced in person, as they can be felt as well as heard, due to their vibratory resonance and reverberation; singing bowls produce a similar effect, but to a lesser extent.

All of these modalities share something in common. They use brainwave entrainment; when rhythmic stimuli are presented at a target frequency, and that stimuli elicit a “frequency-following response” of the listener’s brainwaves, to match the frequency of the stimuli. This frequency-following response speaks to the tendency of the electrocortical activity of the brain to fall in synchronization with the externally presented sound, rhythm, etc. (Huang & Charyton, 2008). This could be interpreted as what we hear, we emulate. Herbert & Esparham (2017) posit that the brain states achievable in sound therapy are comparable to those of meditation and mindfulness training and may even facilitate overall coherence.

The Goal: Coherence

Moving Out of Disorder

Taking Gabor Maté’s viewpoint that ADD develops due to early traumas and hypersensitivity to one’s environment (1999), and that at its core, ADD is a condition of dysregulation (Bellato et al., 2020), it seems plausible to say that ADHD is a condition of being stuck in a state of dis-order that vacillates between hyper and hypo-arousal, likely as a learned coping mechanism. Dr. Stephen Porges, founder of the Polyvagal theory says, “When we are in safe states, we can access higher cortical functions, but when we are in danger states, those systems turn off and we’re defensive” (2018, 0:27).

What is coherence?

The HeartMath Institute, in their book called Science of the Heart (2016), defines coherence as “the measurement of the order, stability, and harmony in the oscillatory outputs of the body’s regulatory systems during any period of time”(p. 11).

Emotional self-awareness and self-regulation are perhaps the most important skills to cultivate, according to HeartMath, because it is the neural systems that underlie all cognitive and emotional experiences. And it is our neural systems that, if they have an unstable baseline pattern, will perpetuate instability (McCraty, 2016). What is exciting is that the brain has the inherent trait of neuroplasticity and new patterns can be learned, especially when they are new patterns (Kolb et al., 2019). Through self-regulation techniques that begin with changing our brainwave states, we can move into deeper synchronization with our hearts and bodies, our partners and loved ones, our communities, and ultimately, our planet (McCraty, 2016).

The work and research of HeartMath unsurprisingly focuses on the heart, and specifically the heart rate variability (HRV). Heart rate variability is not the heartbeat itself, but the time between heartbeats, as it speeds up or slows down, and the ability to regulate those gaps relates to high HRV levels (McCraty, 2016). Studies have shown associations with higher levels of resting HRV and better performance of cognitive tasks and executive functions. Additionally, some of the same neural structures which are thought to play a role in ADD have also been found to show involvement in heart rate regulation: cortical, subcortical, and the medulla oblongata (McCraty, 2016). It is through the modulation of HRV that we can move into heart coherence.

HeartMath has developed various focused breathing techniques for increasing heart coherence. They have also created a heart coherence app and a wearable device. But it is their Heart-Focused Breathing that is simple and accessible to all. It includes focusing on the heart area, breathing in a rhythmic measured pattern of five breaths in, five breaths out, and generating a positively associated emotion, like love or gratitude (McCraty, 2016). Consciously slowing one’s heart rate and deepening breath increases the space between beats (HRV). Remember that the vagus nerves travel in both directions—afferently (from the heart to the brain) and efferently (from the brain to the heart). However, while efferent vagus nerve fibers are involved in the heart’s regulation, the majority of the vagus nerve fibers are afferent. This means “the heart sends more information to the brain than the brain sends to the heart” (McCraty, 2016).

The heart is the largest source of electromagnetic energy in the human body (McCraty, 2016). The electrical field that the heart generates is approximately sixty times greater than the electrical activity generated by the brain (in amplitude), and it can be measured by an EKG.

The amygdala functions as an organizational center for familiar patterns. If the heart generates rhythm patterns that are discordant or chaotic, especially early on in childhood, the amygdala learns that a state of discord is the expected baseline. Yet, by becoming self-aware, especially in such moments of discord, and shifting focus to the heart area, as well as deepening breathing, especially on the exhale, it is possible to create new coherent patterns for the amygdala to organize (McCraty, 2016).

The heart is the largest source of electromagnetic energy in the human body, and generates an electrical field that is approximately sixty times greater than the electrical activity generated by the brain, HeartMath sees coherence as an achievable state, with potential on a global scale (McCraty, 2016).

Conclusion

Sound therapy has the power to connect us to our ancestral roots, adjust brainwaves and neuronal activity in positive ways, and establish new baselines for wellness. By starting where we are and changing our brains through daily habits and meaningful self-regulation, there is the potential to create lasting change in the ADD/ADHD mind and neuroplasticity supports us in these endeavors (Kolb et al. 2019). Such change may even ripple out in exponential ways on a global scale (McCraty, 2016). “We are coming to understand health not as the absence of disease, but rather as the process by which individuals maintain their sense of coherence (i.e. sense that life is comprehensible, manageable, and meaningful) and ability to function in the face of changes in themselves and their relationships with their environment” (McCraty, 2016, p. 9).

We have our brains and our hearts on our side. It is up to us to make use of these wonderful, wired connections of rhythm and possibility.

References

Attuned Vibrations. (2019). What is 432 Hz tuning? attunedvibrations.com. https://attunedvibrations.com/432hz/

Bellato, A., Arora, I., Hollis, C., & Groom, M. J. (2020). Is autonomic nervous system function atypical in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)? A systematic review of the evidence. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 108, 182-206. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2019.11.001

Center for Disease Control and Prevention (21 September, 2020) https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html

Dodson, William (2021, February 5). 3 defining features of ADHD that everyone overlooks. ADDitude. https://www.additudemag.com/symptoms-of-add-hyperarousal-rejection-sensitivity

Garcia-Argibay, M., Santed, M. A., & Reales, J. M. (2019). Efficacy of binaural auditory beats in cognition, anxiety, and pain perception: a meta-analysis. Psychological Research, 83(2), 357-372. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00426-018-1066-8

Goldsby, T. L., Goldsby, M. E., McWalters, M., & Mills, P. J. (2017). Effects of singing bowl sound meditation on mood, tension, and well-being: An observational study. Journal of Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine, 22(3), 401-406. https://doi.org/10.1177/2156587216668109

Herbert, A., & Esparham, A. (2017). Mind–body therapy for children with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Children, 4(5), 31). https://doi.org/10.3390/children4050031

Huang, T. L., & Charyton, C. (2008). A comprehensive review of the psychological effects of brainwave entrainment. Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine, 14(5), 38-50. https://www-proquest-com.ciis.idm.oclc.org/scholarly-journals/comprehensive-review-psychological-effects/docview/204837524/se-2?accountid=25260

Kolb, B., Whishaw, I. Q., & Teskey, G. C. (2019). An introduction to brain and behavior (Sixth ed.). Worth Publishers/Macmillan Learning.

Maté, G., (n.d.) Faq AD(H)D, para. 27, 28. https://drgabormate.com/topic/adhd/ .

Maté, G. (2000). Scattered. Penguin Publishing Group.

Mccraty, R. (2016). Science of the heart, volume 2, Exploring the role of the heart in human performance: An overview of research conducted by the HeartMath Institute. HeartMath Institute. https://doi.org/10.13140/rg.2.1.3873.5128

Philips, K. H., Brintz, C. E., Moss, K., & Gaylord, S. A. (2019). Didgeridoo sound meditation for stress reduction and mood enhancement in undergraduates: A randomized controlled trial. Global Advances in Health and Medicine, 8, 216495611987936-2164956119879367. https://doi.org/10.1177/2164956119879367

Porges, Stephen (PsychAlive, 2018, 0:27). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ec3AUMDjtKQ

Silver, L. (2021, February 5). The neuroscience of the ADHD brain. ADDitude https://www.additudemag.com/neuroscience-of-adhd-brain/

Source Vibrations – International Music. (2018, November 6). State training with brainwave entrainment ~ Module 1: Introduction and overview [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/kdom2amIrNU

Tarnacki, J. (2019). This is Your Brain on Drumming. Medium.com. https://medium.com/swlh/this-is-your-brain-on-drumming-8ed6eaf314c4

Project: Dreaming with Purpose

The senior project is a big deal. It is a capstone to the three semesters of hard work, and a requirement for the successful completion of the undergraduate program at CIIS. Because I chose the Bachelor of Science in Psychology, the senior project assignment is to conduct a study, as in research. In the 2nd semester there is an entire class, Research Methods, which prepares us for carrying out the senior project in the 3rd semester.

So yeah, this was a massive undertaking, and somehow, remarkably, I really enjoyed it. Had I not chosen a topic that I am truly passionate about, it could have been miserable (I learned that lesson in the first semester- another story). There were multiple components to this project, including a 30 plus page research paper, a research poster, and a video, where I address the main data points that I gleaned from my research. For the poster and video, scroll down this page. To read the research paper, click here: https://librakaplan.com/my-senior-research-project/ , password: staylucid

For full screen, click at the bottom right. For best resolution go HERE.
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Adaptation

In childhood, we often learn coping mechanisms that help us adapt to our environment. This is especially true in situation of early childhood trauma. These early efforts at adaptation which served us so well at one time, can become hinderances later on, manifesting in adulthood as addiction, attention deficit, tuning out, defiance… According to Dr. Gabor Matè, such neurodivergent traits that society labels as abnormal are not genetic flaws, they are a human process which results from growing up in an environment that did not meet our developmental needs.

https://soundcloud.com/publicprograms/mate-buggs

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): It is not your fault.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study — the largest, most important public health study you never heard of — began in an obesity clinic.

What ACEs do you have?

Chronic Illness Trauma Studies: How Adversity Shapes Health & Why it’s Not in Your Head

Other resources:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk; the 30k plus, 5 star reviews on Amazon say it all.

Dr. Gabor Maté is on the same wavelength as van der Kolk, brilliant, truthful, science-based, leading with heart. Maté approaches trauma, ADD, addiction, and disease with kindness and compassion, and aims to de-stigmatize mental issues. His new book is coming out in Oct 2022, called The Myth of Normal. His website is below.

Dr. Gabor Maté

No post on ACEs and trauma would be complete without mentioning researcher & storyteller, Brené Brown ; and California’s first ever Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, AWARENESS IS KEY, RESILIENCE IS POSSIBLE.

Belonging

Last semester in social psychology, I wrote my final paper on the topic of belonging. Today I needed to find a clip of a speaker whose speaking style I want to emulate (for my Art of Communication class). I knew Brené was my gal because I have always admired not just her content, but her speaking style as well. She is relaxed and engaging whether she’s having a one-on-one conversation, like in the video clip above, or on stage in front of a big audience. Her mannerisms–eye contact, thoughtful pauses, facial expressions–all work to convey that she is present, she is at ease, she is listening, and she is genuinely interested. Plus, she a good laugher. Brené is coming out with a new book and is clearly making the interview circuit of late, which is how I happened upon the piece above. The fact that she talks about belonging to ourselves first, and this is the very thing which I wrote my paper about, I was like, Whaaaat! Yes! Sure, it’s a bit of an ego boost, I won’t lie. But more importantly, it is a beautiful serendipity, a confirmation that what I am putting out in the world is being reflected, and not just in my reality, but into the world at large. These healing vibes are catching on. There is a wave of change that is happening. Yes I live in California, in the Bay Area, and there’s definitely some confirmation bias as a result. But a wave is a wave, and they have to start somewhere!

Brené speaks about belonging to ourselves first, video starts at 1:40.

This video clip is one of those uncanny coincidences, the kind of which give me hope for the future, even in spite of the despair and bullshit that we are seeing in the news. Maybe the astrologers are right after all, and we are moving out of the Piscean Age, which has been marked by deceit and darkness, greed and control. Maybe the Aquarian Age is finally working her magic slowly but surely, using the higher frequencies of love and kindness, equality and justice.

Earlier this year in the Spring, in my first semester at CIIS, I wrote my neurobiology final paper on the topic of ADD and Sound Healing, and used HeartMath Institute and their research on coherence as a resource. Then two months ago, Pam Gregory astrologer, whom I follow on YouTube, mentioned HeartMath in one of her videos. And now I’m hearing many others use this word, too. Coherence, vibration, frequency. What’s so cool about coherence is that the more we practice coherence with our own heart-mind, and others do the same, an exponential effect begins to happen, as we all begin to increase our resonant field and this in turn effects the Earth’s energy field, too, creating positive healing global coherence. When we are in coherence, our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is activated and we feel calm, focused, centered. It is the opposite feeling of being in fight-flight-freeze. I will post my neurobiology paper at some point. In the meantime, read about coherence and HeartMath here: https://www.heartmath.org/science/

“Light is the game changer, and love is the checkmate”.
Pam Gregory, astrologer

Essay: Belonging to Ourselves First

This is my final paper, submitted for Social Psychology, CIIS, Summer 2021.

Facing the Problem

When something intended as metaphor is believed as literal, it is called ontological confusion, and we see examples of this when people take biblical stories at face value. Similarly, there are some who are convinced that our reality on planet Earth is a computer simulation. This kind of thinking is not as harmless as it may appear; it is a setup for disappointment and failure because even if it were a screen that could be cracked to reveal the ‘real world’, if there were a man behind the curtain, or what not, there is one problem that remains- us. We are still the same person inside the simulation or outside of it, inside the matrix, or not. It might also encourage a nihilistic mentality, as in we’re not really here, so let’s burn it all down. Yet we are here. Our brains, our neuroses, our problems, our monkey minds, jumping from one conclusion to the next. Wherever you go, there you are. Simulation or not, we remain. From an existential perspective, the solution is often contained inside the problem. The answer may not be outside of ourselves at all, but within us.

Last night I received two dreams about facing my shadow, and I believe they speak to this topic at hand. In the first dream it is nighttime, and I am holding a clear plastic bag in my left hand, the kind used for fruit or veggies at the market. The bag is not tied or knotted, just gathered tightly at the top. Inside is an extra-large, other-worldly spider. My grip lessens and the arachnid will soon be released, set free. I can only protect him for so long. His long, limber legs paw gently at the opening. The focus is on this spider—my spider—and he looks scary, but in truth he is a gentle being. It is my perception of my fear that I am most afraid of. I tell myself I have sequestered the spider to protect those around me. But I am the one who holds the bag. I want to embrace the younger me, the girl who holds him. There is nothing to fear, I want to say. My shadow is only scary when it is Othered.

In the second dream, I am in a house. Someone has left me there. Many people coming and going, strangers, chaos. Why is my house not my own? I’ve misplaced my medications, my things are not where they should be. There is discord and disharmony, and I am so tired. Finally, I stand at the mirror, ready to be myself. I remove the false fronts from my teeth, the veneers. They are plates, front-facing coverings, adhered with glue or something to just the fronts of my real teeth. They come off easily. I stack these cover plates on the counter, running my tongue against my original teeth which have been covered up too long. There is nothing wrong with my teeth. It feels good to shed the layers, such relief to be my real self.

This semester in our Social Psychology class at CIIS, we confronted the many ways that humans engage in social behavior, and the resulting dynamics that occur from being the social animals that we are. Conformity, dissonance, relational aggression, propaganda. The research brought to bear in The Social Animal (Aronson & Aronson, 2018) was at times confounding and, in all honesty, depressing. More than a few times, I found myself wondering, are we truly this predictable, this limited…this hopeless? When I examined my own life, I found evidence of these unconscious mechanisms at work in my life, which is exactly what made it so humbling to face. Yet, just as in my dream, to accept my shadow spider, i.e. my dark, disowned parts, I would have to face myself in the mirror, without the veneers, without the false face and just be real.

When we abdicate responsibility, we also abdicate a solution…of course we must accept that there is a problem first. And this brings us to said problem: humans at large, avoid self-inquiry because it is too shocking, too painful, too vulnerable. Looking at ourselves truthfully is not glamorous; without filter, without makeup, without our social masks to hide the many flaws we have deemed unacceptable. This honest self-examination might be one of the most difficult, painful, bottom-of-the-barrel tasks we are ever called to do…which is exactly why we must do it.

Belonging

According to Aronson & Aronson (2018), the need for belonging is the strongest of the five central social motives of human social behavior humans (the others are understanding and prediction; control; a need to matter; and trust).

What does it mean to belong? The desire to belong drives so much of our behavior that we rarely think about it. Yet, marketers, propaganda, and mass media most definitely do think about it. If fact, they use this central social motive to sell us their wares, get us to see issues a certain way, use their apps and products, and influence us in myriad ways. Most people are unaware of how often we are played on a daily basis, just like puppets in a play. The average person has never thought about how we are being manipulated, how everything that is competing for their attention—billboards, apps, pop up ads, targeted facebook ads, mailing lists, politicians, movies, tv shows—they are all selling something. And they are using our need to belong against us.

Yet, what about belonging to ourselves? What about facing ourselves in the mirror and being honest about our own humanness. Whatever is hurting and eating at us inside, does it not also deserve love and kindness? What are the thoughts going through our head when we engage in our destructive behaviors, our repetitive thoughts that keep us stuck. What are we thinking about when we are binge eating, or drinking ourselves to sleep, or pushing away anyone who tries to loves us, or sabotaging new opportunities, or having a hard time speaking honestly to our partner, or getting defensive every time our partner gets that tone in their voice, or cutting ourselves to feel better, or ignoring sensations of pain, or never allowing ourselves to cry? We are not weak because we engage in these things, although they do harm us. We are made weak only by never examining the backstory of why.

Belonging to ourselves is not something that is taught, nor are we given examples of what this looks like. Our capacity to be our own protector, our own best friend, it is a superpower we give away when we give into thoughts, emotions, behaviors that have never been examined. We may be told that in order to love another, we must first love ourselves. But how many of us berate ourselves cruelly when we make a mistake, or forget a date, disappoint another, or do something we swore we wouldn’t do again?

If we are to become aware of these social motives that are unconsciously driving us, especially our need to belong, we must learn to love ourselves fiercely, more than we ever have before. This is not selfish; it is the most compassionate, kind thing we can do. As Ghandi said, and I paraphrase, to see a change in the world, we must be that change we wish to see. To love ourselves is a daily experience of opening up to acceptance and then letting go of control. It is about learning what feels right and what does not, what we are okay with and where the line must be drawn, creating boundaries and then being vulnerable, sensitive, honest, and present within that.

While therapy can be incredibly valuable, many people may be skeptical. Or they may feel self-conscious about how they would be perceived if a family member found out; many see therapy as a demeaning, that they are not enough. However, every human on this planet feels some measure of pain if for no other reason than that we are all connected. It is not shameful to ask for help, but it is a tragedy to carry a burden as a point of pride, or a medal of honor. It is no secret that the Earth is in pain and we humans along with her; we are all experiencing some level of dis-ease. We may be struggling right in this moment.

Ho’oponopono

One way to address this problem of self-avoidance is through practicing forgiveness and self-love. Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian healing prayer which offers a unique opportunity for addressing the pain we carry. The word Ho’oponopono roughly translated means, to put things right, to move back to balance. It is a tool for connecting to self-love, belonging, and forgiveness. Meant to be said in repetition, like a mantra, it can be said to yourself, or direct it outwards to someone whom you seek forgiveness from. The prayer goes like this:

I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.”

I’m sorry serves to recognize there was a wrong done (by you, or to you). We can only change that which we acknowledge. Please forgive me is the sincere contrition. Thank you serves as appreciation for the recognition and the apology. I love you completes the circle, offering wholeness and closure.

Ho’oponopono is a balancing practice to facilitate mental and emotional release and connect you to your heart center. Recite the prayer in your head, or speak it aloud, at any time of the day. To do this exercise in front of a mirror is especially healing; this is because a mirror does not lie. For instance, if we say this prayer in our head, but at the same time we are thinking of other things, then the energy of the words are blocked because we are distracted. Yet, in front of a mirror we must gaze into our own eyes and there is nowhere to hide. We might say I’m sorry and wince, or I forgive you and begin crying. This tells us there was something there inside of us that needed recognition, which was tender and hurting.

Love fosters belonging, which in turn allows for understanding and trust. When we trust ourselves we are better equipped to look honestly at the disowned parts of ourself and decide if we want to integrate them or discard them when they no longer fit. It is only when we keep them “safely” contained in a bag, unacknowledged and unexamined, that they do us harm.

Pledging allegiance to ourselves in earnest is not something that has been modeled in our society. We have been a culture that looks outward, avoiding our insides at all costs. We have only recently seen evidence of people on the world stage, like Simone Biles, being courageous enough to honor their inner knowing, trusting their heart and their boundaries.

We do not need to try and change our driving social motives extrinsically; for in truth, there is nothing wrong with these motives in and of themselves. In fact, they often serve good purpose in the social nature of groups and community. What is wrong, however, is to continue to move blindly along in life, remaining in pain, remaining asleep, when we have the tools available to wake up.

References

Kriss, S. (2016, October 13). Tech billionaires want to destroy the universe. The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2016/10/silicon-valley-is-obsessed-with-a-false-notion-of-reality/503963/

Annie Lowrey. (2020, Sep 15,). The bunker magnates hate to say they told you so. The Atlantic https://global.factiva.com/en/du/article.asp

Aronson, E., & Aronson, J. (2018) The social animal (12^th ed.). Worth Publishers. http://public.eblib.com/choice/PublicFullRecord.aspx?p=6418106.

Wisdom Weavers of the World. (2019, January 30). What Does Ho’oponopono, the Hawai’ian Phrase, Mean? [Video] Youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3eBAD8KgaM&t=1s